I know that I don’t post personal pieces on here that often (actually, this might be my first, lmfao), but I decided that I wanted to write something cathartic, as well as something that might help others.
But, yea, if this ends up being a TL;DR situation, just look at the title, and you’ll be fine. Because that’s basically what I’m trying to get at in my normal, rambley way.
As you all know, I’m a 17 year old senior in high school, and with that means the constant pressure to know what I want to do in life, and where I want to go to college. Nevermind the fact that I really don’t think college is a good choice for me, but hey! I put in the one and only application that I’m going to send. If I don’t get in, I’ll go to the community college for two years and then reapply.
I don’t know how old all of you are, or where you’re from, but everyone who said that senior year of high school was easy was pulling your leg. With school, work, my assisting hours, blogging, and reading, I fall into my bed every night completely exhausted. Oftentimes, I barely get 7 hours of sleep a night, and I’m the type of person who needs around 10. And that’s only when I completely forget about any homework or any obligations I have outside of my usual stuff.
Along with this, I’m here struggling with my orientation and gender ID once more. Well, maybe I’m not “struggling”, but just conflicted. Am I agender? Am I trans? Am I transmasculine? I can’t even consider romantic orientation without wondering if I could be three at once.
I realize this post so far just seems like me complaining about my life, but compared to what it was last year (as in, me doing absolutely nothing), I’m pretty content. Sure, it’s more chaotic, but I’ve learned and grown since this time last year, and I’m happy to admit that.
With this, I just wanted to share with others that, really, it is okay to take a break, and to focus on yourself. It took me awhile to accept this, especially with this blog, and me feeling like I always have to have a new post every other day. But that’s just too much for me. I haven’t decided it yet, and maybe I never will, but I’ve been debating on taking a blogging hiatus to just focus on reading, and not everything else. People barely view my reviews anyway, so who would miss them?
It’s okay to know when life is overwhelming. I didn’t write this post until I finished my college algebra homework, and read some of the pages in my AP Lit reading. I’m not the type of person to prioritize school before my interests, and it sucks that I have to.
Where is this post even going? I’m a tired, tired person, who really doesn’t want to grow up. I want the freedom of being older, but not the obligations and responsibility that comes with it. I want to be able to be out and proud in the world, being who I am without worrying if I’ll be killed because of it. So. Take that break if you need it. Talk to that person if you need to. Listen to others, and be kind, because, really, it’s not that hard.